Take a Plunge

Good Plunger

Bad Plunger

A couple weeks ago upon waking up, I groggily stumbled into the bathroom only to discover our toilet was clogged and had subsequently overflowed. Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, indeed. After getting over the initial annoyance at the discovery, I told myself to man-up and get to work. I, after all, am a fairly independent, resourceful 22 year old woman! So I grabbed the plunger and did what you are suppose to do with a plunger- I began plunging.

That morning I learned for the first time that not all plungers are created equal. After about sixty seconds of laborious plunging, I noticed that the water level had not decreased in even an infinitesimal amount. I repositioned the plunger thinking maybe I just hadn't placed it where it would get the optimal suction and began again. Another sixty seconds. Nothing. At this point I was exasperated. You are suppose to be a plunger! Why aren't you plunging?! You dare to have the audacity not to do your job?! I demanded, elevating the plunger from the toilet (yes, I occasionally talk to inanimate objects).

Luckily, I knew my old roommate has a plunger that actually cares enough to do its job, thank you very much. So I ran over and grabbed it. Five minutes and a generous amount of spent energy later, all systems were a go.

I've thought about this incident in a metaphorical sense ever since. At the time that this inopportune mishap happened, I felt like my life was clogged. Everything was building up and nothing was flowing as it should have been. Like I did that morning, I tried to fix it with a poor excuse of a plunger. I made up excuses, blamed others, ate more junk food.

Thank goodness I realized my mistake and recently began applying the real-deal plunger techniques. To put it simply: I went to work. No more excuses, no more blaming, no more (or significantly less) junk food. Much more prayer, reading, serving, and smiling. Ironically, it seems that the best way to plunge my life isn't to just remove obstacles, it means filling life with more of what counts.

Clutterless Closet- How to (Fake) Organize a Closet

I think I'm going to stick to the "How to" theme for a spell.

Confession: I am not an organized person. On top of things- yes. Organized- no. Even as I'm writing this I'm looking at my desk wondering how it got so cluttered. I thought I had sworn when I moved into my new apartment that it would stay clean and clutter-free forever. Oops. That is not to say that I don't know how to organize a bedroom closet. Or at least how to fake an organized bedroom closet. I just usually choose not to do so. Regardless, here are some tricks of the trade:

1. Only have shoes on the floor of your closet- This gives the base of your closet a nice uniform look and a nice clean line. If you have stuff other than shoes on the floor, simply take it and shove it under your bed. You'll get to that another day.

2. Organize your shoes in pairs- if you don't have the space to line them all up side by side then take one from the pair and stick it on top of the other. Don't organize them by style, color, or anything else like that. No one cares what you consider a dress shoe vs. what you consider a day shoe.

3. For the rest of your clothes, clump items following this simple pattern (from right to left): tank-tops/sleeveless shirts, short sleeved shirts, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, skirts, dresses, jackets. If you really want to get ambitious (go beyond faking organization to actually being organized) then color code within each category. I don't recommend this too highly because where do you stick the black and white striped shirt? With the blacks? With the whites? What about the brown, orange, and purple striped shirt? Actually, if you have a shirt like that, do yourself a favor and just throw it out.

4. Fold hoodies and stack them on the top shelf- anything on the top shelf that isn't clothes, also shove under the bed. Don't worry if you feel that you are simply moving the problem from one spot to another. 1. If it's under your bed, chances are neither you nor anyone else can see it. Thus, still giving the illusion that you are organized. 2. The stuff you are moving probably isn't all that important. If it was, it would have its own spot anyway.

And you're done! Follow steps 1-4 and your closet will be (fake) organized in no time!

Go Fight Win (and Fake)!

In case you hadn’t noticed, football season is upon us. For some, this is a wonderful, exciting, almost sacred time of year, for others, not so much. I happen to genuinely enjoy football. This could be because I have been going to football games for as long as I can remember. Seriously. I even had a little BYU cheerleader outfit that my parents dressed me in when I was baby. But I digress. However, I realize there are those of you who do not share in the football pandemonium. To you football resisters I encourage you to entertain the possibility that some day you may find yourself in a situation wherein feigning football interest is truly the path of most convenience. Perhaps you find yourself in such a situation presently. Maybe you want to impress a football enthusiast, maybe it’s easier to fake it than to explain that you just don’t enjoy watching guys knock each other to the ground with all possible physical force just to get the ball from one end of a field to the other, or maybe you’re hoping that a passion (or at least tolerance) for football will develop while you are faking it. Regardless of your exact reason, this post is for you.
How to fake enjoying a football game:
1. If everyone else is standing, stand too- I know three+ hours is a long time to stand, but nothing says “fish out of water” like a sitter in a sea of standers. Most fans stand because they have so much energy at the game. Furthermore, many hold the belief that they can transfer their energy to the team by standing, cheering loudly, and occasionally jumping. While this may not make sense, it is not polite to knock someone’s beliefs. Therefore, when at a game, stand.

2. Get an intense look on your face every fourth down- It really doesn’t matter whose fourth down it is. If your team is on offense, then this is their last chance to get a first down. If your team is on defense then this is their last chance to prevent a first down. Either way, it’s (in theory) a tense moment. If you need some help with the expression, try imagining that your professor is handing back a test that you’re confident you either aced or bombed. Freeze that facial expression for the duration of the play.

3. Tune in when there is a controversial call- you will know the call is controversial by one of two ways. Either the game will pause for an abnormally long length of time, or the fans around you will start booing. If you really want to get into it then when they show the replay, hold your hand, palm up, to the jumbotron like you’re presenting a piece of evidence before a jury. People will think that you clearly see what really happened. To go above and beyond, memorize the call. Then, when talking to the fanatics after the game, you can say, “So how about that (insert call description here).”

4. Memorize one major moment- if your team loses, then try and make the moment when someone made a major mistake. Listen for the words “fumble,” “interception,” or “turnover.” These moments won’t be too hard to catch because they’ll illicit a reaction from the fans. Then, when people are talking about the game later, you can say something like, “Well maybe if our team (or better yet, state the player’s number) would hold on to the ball/throw to our own team/ not say ‘here, you take it, we don’t really want it’ to the other team, we might have had a very different outcome.” If your team wins, then memorize one touch down. Then you can say something like, “That pass to (insert number of player that caught the ball here) was beautiful.” Side note: This whole memorizing a moment thing really works. One time I was talking to a guy and I said something like, “Well maybe if our center knew how to do his job.” His jaw dropped and he responded saying, “Wow, a girl who actually watches and understands football.” One memorized moment. That’s all it took, people.

Well, that’s it. Faking football doesn’t require that you understand the details of the game or even care at all! All you have to do is follow these four steps and I can almost guarantee you’ll look like you belong in that football stadium.

I'm Back

Summer happened. Life changed. Now I'm back. Did ya miss me?!

Weather's Here, Wish You Were Great!

I spent a lovely week with the family in Fernandina Beach, Florida visiting the grandparents. We all enjoyed reconnecting with them. Aside from that, we went to the beach nearly every day. I must say, it was quite the novel experience to go into the ocean and NOT be completely numb from neck down! The only thing I did not particularly care for was the humidity. It reminded me of being at a concert where everyone is really sweaty and smashed together. You stand on your tip toes and jump to try and get where the air is fresh. Only in Florida there is no top. The humidity knows no bounds. Doesn't having water in the air sort of rob air of its essence??? Nevertheless, family, sunshine, great water, and an escape from Provo: Definitely can't complain too much!

We All Make Mistakes

Throughout the past 21 (almost 22) years of my earthly existence, I have fallen victim to various fads, trends, styles, ideas, etc. I look back on those pitfalls and cringe. However, I'm sure I there is much more "what was I thinking"to come before I "follow the light." So let's take a look at my list of shame:

-Circa 1995- Was thrilled to receive a Beanie Baby stuffed animal. Aren't those suppose to be worth thousands by now???

-Circa 1996- Owned a Tomagatchi/Giga pet. Yes, I actually paid money to care for an intangible pet.

-Circa 1997- Fan of Spice Girls- enough said.

-Circa 1999- Owned and wore a pair of Dr. Martin shoes- the clunkiest "everyday" shoe known to mankind.

-Circa 2000- Owned and wore a pair of Sketchers boots- the second clunkiest "everyday" shoe known to mankind.

-Circa 2001- Bought the Dixie Chicks CD. The thought that I spent my hard earned babysitting money on country music haunts me to this day.

-Circa 2002- Applied a set of do-it-yourself nails. I think they stayed on my fingers a good 2 hours.

-Circa 2003- Thought it was a good idea to eat an entire pumpkin pie with just one other friend.

-Circa 2004- Saw no problem with driving around aimlessly with friends for multiple hours.

-Circa 2006- Wore a cropped sweater, a style that did me no favors.

-Circa 2006- Ate constantly on account of having the Dining Plus meal plan.

I'm sure there are a great deal more embarrassing fads that I subscribed to. These are just the ones I find particularly shameful. I can hardly wait to see what trend train I hop onto next!

I Love Color

...and right now the world is full of color!