A Thing or Two to Do

As of today we have officially been engaged for one month! Let me give you an idea of our wedding planning progress thus far. First, here is what we "should have done" up to this point (courtesy of http://www.utahweddings.com/)

-Select rings and order engravings
-Set wedding date and time
-Consider hiring a wedding coordinator
-Determine budget
-Decide on formality, size, and location of the wedding
-Make arrangements for wedding ceremony
-Select and order wedding gown, veil, accessories, and bridesmaids' dresses
-Select and reserve location for reception
-Select caterer; plan menu
-Plan reception, including color scheme and music
-Arrange for any necessary equipment and decorations
-Arrange for photographer, videographer, and flowers
-Book musicians and/or entertainers
-Register for gifts
-Order invitations and thank you cards
-Draw up guest list (including addresses)
-Have mothers choose and coordinate their dresses
-Have engagement pictures taken
-Make final arrangements for reception; pay deposits and sign contract
-Order cake and candies
-Make appointment with doctor for complete physical
-Enlist people to help at the reception
-Make arrangements for transportation
-Plan how to handle traffic and parking at reception
-Plan honeymoon; make travel arrangements
-Address invitations and announcements (these are different???)
-Plan accommodations for out-of-town guests
-Arrange for time off from work
-Begin apartment or house hunting

Now, here's what we have done:
-Set wedding date
-Arranged for ceremony
-Planned honeymoon
-Found photographer
-Registered for gifts
-Determined budget
-Started apartment hunting

Yep, that's about it. We haven't even decided if we're going to do a reception or not, for Pete sake! (Although we have a location should we choose to have one). See, I told you I'm the lamest bride to be ever. Truth be told all I care about is having the ceremony, pictures, a honeymoon, and ok- I'll be honest- some gifts. So at least I've got the stuff I care about covered, right... RIGHT???

Poor Reception

This afternoon a friend and I went to look at a couple reception sites. Both were garden wedding venues. Stone walk ways, colorful flowers, and luscious greenery adorned both sites. Both were absolutely lovely. So then why, oh why does planning my reception seem about as fun as figuring out my taxes?

While most brides-to-be would be picturing her majestic cake under the exquisite ivy archway, I was picturing my adorable four year old cousin picking the bright pink and orange flowers to, "make her own bouquet." I'm hearing the deafening crash of that beautiful garden statue as the little boys accidentally knock it over playing freeze tag. Don't get me wrong, I cannot even imagine having a reception without kids. I would even trade out some of the adults I want to invite before I'd eliminate the kids. I've just attended too many family reunions with 40+ kids to be naive about what happens when parents are chatting and breakables are around.

Then there were the things not included. Neither included a caterer, meaning coordinating the food is up to me. Pass the aspirin right now, please. And the one that didn't include linens- well, I almost eliminated it on the spot.

However, I've come to a realization. No one is going to remember 90% of the details of my reception. What they'll remember is some sort of signature feature. You know- a photo booth, a particularly entertaining DJ, an out-of-this-world cake... something like that. So what I need is a signature feature! Any ideas??? Seeing as how I'm the lamest bride-to-be ever, I'm very much open to suggestions.

P.S. Yes, I know- I shouldn't get bogged down in the frivolity of it all. It's about the people at the reception who are there to celebrate the happiest day of my life with me; the people who helped me get to this point in my life. Believe me, that is the ONLY reason I am doing a reception in the first place!

Can You Keep a Secret?

I am perhaps the LAMEST bride-to-be EVER. No, really. I never ran around with a pillowcase on my head in a veil-like fashion as a little girl. I never day dreamed about arriving to my reception in a horse drawn carriage with people wiping a joyful tear as we, the perfect couple, arrive. Even in recent years as countless friends have been bit by the marriage bug, and I listened as they told me (sometimes in more detail than I cared to hear... I was just politely asking) their wedding plans, I'd apply what they said to my own future wedding to about the same degree I'd apply organic chemistry to my own life.

So now I'm lost- drowning in a world of linens, color swatches, and cake fondant. However, I'm engaged to the most incredible man ever, so I'm happy... so very happy.

P.S. I plan on updating this blog as I fumble my way through this whole engagement thing... so stick around! It's going to be a bumpy ride!

I Heard the Bells of Christmas Break

I survived my first semester teaching language arts and art. Wahoo. Hip-hip hooray. Congratulations to me. Sort of.
At our school, teachers are required to shred any work with the students' names on it. Client confidentiality, security purposes, etc. etc. Throughout the semester I kept students' past work in a nice, unorganized heap on my desk. I was too afraid to shred any of it before this week. In my mind's eye I could just see it- I shred the student's work only to discover the next day that the school's computer based grade system crashed, all my grades lost somewhere in the graveyard of cyberwork past. Yet I'm far too unorganized to actually develop a filing system. So there the work sat in a completely chaotic, haphazard pile for months.
The end of the semester at long last has come, so I trotted on over to the teacher workroom, smiling all the while because I can count on one hand the days until I get a blessed week long break. I plopped down on a chair next to the shredder and got going. Before I gave the students' assignments the final kiss of death, I looked over it, wanting to reminisce on the things I so wonderfully taught. BIG mistake.
I could feel my peppy smile drooping, being replaced by a pained expression as I looked over what I so "wonderfully taught." First is was the grammar test I gave. We spent three weeks, THREE WEEKS going over parts of a sentence (complete subject, complete predicate, direct objects, etc.). I wrote examples on the board. We did practice sentences. I had them make falsh cards with their own made-up sentence on one side with the particular part we were studying that day underlined and a picture of the sentence on the other side. Audio learning- check. Visual learning- check. I was particularly jazzed about the card idea because the students could use their cards as study aides before the test- creating their own studyguide in essence. Brilliant... in theory. The day of the test came. I was more nervous than I'm sure any of the students were. They turned them in. I graded them. 4 got A's the rest failed. I don't mean Bs, Cs, or even Ds. I mean FAILED.
Then there was the compare/contrast essay. We did a two week unit on the short story, The Most Dangerous Game complete with inclass discussions and multiple activities to enhance story comprehension. As a culminating assignment, the students were to write an essay comparing and contrasting two particular characters. To make sure everyone understood what it meant to compare and contrast, I explained the concept in detail, had them practice comparing and contrasting familiar items then discussed them as a class, and had them write a practice essay. Students all set to go, right? The due day came (I use due date in the loosest sense of the term. All it really means is that it's the ball park figure for when I'll be expecting-well, hoping- for their work in the somewhat near future). I skimmed through a couple, cringed, and put them to the side to grade a few days later when I have the heart to bare it. Many were merely plot summaries- not a sentence of comparing/contrasting information to be found. Those that did manage to compare and contrast made exactly one point: "Both characters were hunters. One hunted humans. The other did not. The end." My personal favorite was the one I got that compared and contrasted U.S. and World History. Yep, I, a language arts teacher, assigned a comparing/contrasting essay on a The Most Dangerous Game; I got an essay examining U.S. and World History. The kicker- that essay got the highest grade.
Finally, there was the short story project. Some of the students were really excited about the idea of writing their own short story- a rare phenomenon and a promising sign, I thought. I wanted this final assignment to be something each student could turn in with a proud, shining smile, patting themselves on the back. So I went to work to try and help them create their sure-to-be-amazing stories. Thank the stars for Google! I found some excellent ideas, especially for developing character. The day arrived to turn their stories in. Surprisingly, the stories (for the most part) actually came. So come to find out, rather than spending time talking about how things like catch-phrases, family dynamics, and dress style all implicately give character detail, I should have been teaching them what a story IS. That is to say, I should have explained that in order to be a story, something must HAPPEN; that it was not just about describing a person. Silly me.

So in despair I bowed my head
There is no peace at work, I said
For the assignments are wrong
and mock the song
Of peace in class
Good grades this term.

Take a Plunge

Good Plunger

Bad Plunger

A couple weeks ago upon waking up, I groggily stumbled into the bathroom only to discover our toilet was clogged and had subsequently overflowed. Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, indeed. After getting over the initial annoyance at the discovery, I told myself to man-up and get to work. I, after all, am a fairly independent, resourceful 22 year old woman! So I grabbed the plunger and did what you are suppose to do with a plunger- I began plunging.

That morning I learned for the first time that not all plungers are created equal. After about sixty seconds of laborious plunging, I noticed that the water level had not decreased in even an infinitesimal amount. I repositioned the plunger thinking maybe I just hadn't placed it where it would get the optimal suction and began again. Another sixty seconds. Nothing. At this point I was exasperated. You are suppose to be a plunger! Why aren't you plunging?! You dare to have the audacity not to do your job?! I demanded, elevating the plunger from the toilet (yes, I occasionally talk to inanimate objects).

Luckily, I knew my old roommate has a plunger that actually cares enough to do its job, thank you very much. So I ran over and grabbed it. Five minutes and a generous amount of spent energy later, all systems were a go.

I've thought about this incident in a metaphorical sense ever since. At the time that this inopportune mishap happened, I felt like my life was clogged. Everything was building up and nothing was flowing as it should have been. Like I did that morning, I tried to fix it with a poor excuse of a plunger. I made up excuses, blamed others, ate more junk food.

Thank goodness I realized my mistake and recently began applying the real-deal plunger techniques. To put it simply: I went to work. No more excuses, no more blaming, no more (or significantly less) junk food. Much more prayer, reading, serving, and smiling. Ironically, it seems that the best way to plunge my life isn't to just remove obstacles, it means filling life with more of what counts.

Clutterless Closet- How to (Fake) Organize a Closet

I think I'm going to stick to the "How to" theme for a spell.

Confession: I am not an organized person. On top of things- yes. Organized- no. Even as I'm writing this I'm looking at my desk wondering how it got so cluttered. I thought I had sworn when I moved into my new apartment that it would stay clean and clutter-free forever. Oops. That is not to say that I don't know how to organize a bedroom closet. Or at least how to fake an organized bedroom closet. I just usually choose not to do so. Regardless, here are some tricks of the trade:

1. Only have shoes on the floor of your closet- This gives the base of your closet a nice uniform look and a nice clean line. If you have stuff other than shoes on the floor, simply take it and shove it under your bed. You'll get to that another day.

2. Organize your shoes in pairs- if you don't have the space to line them all up side by side then take one from the pair and stick it on top of the other. Don't organize them by style, color, or anything else like that. No one cares what you consider a dress shoe vs. what you consider a day shoe.

3. For the rest of your clothes, clump items following this simple pattern (from right to left): tank-tops/sleeveless shirts, short sleeved shirts, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, skirts, dresses, jackets. If you really want to get ambitious (go beyond faking organization to actually being organized) then color code within each category. I don't recommend this too highly because where do you stick the black and white striped shirt? With the blacks? With the whites? What about the brown, orange, and purple striped shirt? Actually, if you have a shirt like that, do yourself a favor and just throw it out.

4. Fold hoodies and stack them on the top shelf- anything on the top shelf that isn't clothes, also shove under the bed. Don't worry if you feel that you are simply moving the problem from one spot to another. 1. If it's under your bed, chances are neither you nor anyone else can see it. Thus, still giving the illusion that you are organized. 2. The stuff you are moving probably isn't all that important. If it was, it would have its own spot anyway.

And you're done! Follow steps 1-4 and your closet will be (fake) organized in no time!

Go Fight Win (and Fake)!

In case you hadn’t noticed, football season is upon us. For some, this is a wonderful, exciting, almost sacred time of year, for others, not so much. I happen to genuinely enjoy football. This could be because I have been going to football games for as long as I can remember. Seriously. I even had a little BYU cheerleader outfit that my parents dressed me in when I was baby. But I digress. However, I realize there are those of you who do not share in the football pandemonium. To you football resisters I encourage you to entertain the possibility that some day you may find yourself in a situation wherein feigning football interest is truly the path of most convenience. Perhaps you find yourself in such a situation presently. Maybe you want to impress a football enthusiast, maybe it’s easier to fake it than to explain that you just don’t enjoy watching guys knock each other to the ground with all possible physical force just to get the ball from one end of a field to the other, or maybe you’re hoping that a passion (or at least tolerance) for football will develop while you are faking it. Regardless of your exact reason, this post is for you.
How to fake enjoying a football game:
1. If everyone else is standing, stand too- I know three+ hours is a long time to stand, but nothing says “fish out of water” like a sitter in a sea of standers. Most fans stand because they have so much energy at the game. Furthermore, many hold the belief that they can transfer their energy to the team by standing, cheering loudly, and occasionally jumping. While this may not make sense, it is not polite to knock someone’s beliefs. Therefore, when at a game, stand.

2. Get an intense look on your face every fourth down- It really doesn’t matter whose fourth down it is. If your team is on offense, then this is their last chance to get a first down. If your team is on defense then this is their last chance to prevent a first down. Either way, it’s (in theory) a tense moment. If you need some help with the expression, try imagining that your professor is handing back a test that you’re confident you either aced or bombed. Freeze that facial expression for the duration of the play.

3. Tune in when there is a controversial call- you will know the call is controversial by one of two ways. Either the game will pause for an abnormally long length of time, or the fans around you will start booing. If you really want to get into it then when they show the replay, hold your hand, palm up, to the jumbotron like you’re presenting a piece of evidence before a jury. People will think that you clearly see what really happened. To go above and beyond, memorize the call. Then, when talking to the fanatics after the game, you can say, “So how about that (insert call description here).”

4. Memorize one major moment- if your team loses, then try and make the moment when someone made a major mistake. Listen for the words “fumble,” “interception,” or “turnover.” These moments won’t be too hard to catch because they’ll illicit a reaction from the fans. Then, when people are talking about the game later, you can say something like, “Well maybe if our team (or better yet, state the player’s number) would hold on to the ball/throw to our own team/ not say ‘here, you take it, we don’t really want it’ to the other team, we might have had a very different outcome.” If your team wins, then memorize one touch down. Then you can say something like, “That pass to (insert number of player that caught the ball here) was beautiful.” Side note: This whole memorizing a moment thing really works. One time I was talking to a guy and I said something like, “Well maybe if our center knew how to do his job.” His jaw dropped and he responded saying, “Wow, a girl who actually watches and understands football.” One memorized moment. That’s all it took, people.

Well, that’s it. Faking football doesn’t require that you understand the details of the game or even care at all! All you have to do is follow these four steps and I can almost guarantee you’ll look like you belong in that football stadium.