Clutterless Closet- How to (Fake) Organize a Closet

I think I'm going to stick to the "How to" theme for a spell.

Confession: I am not an organized person. On top of things- yes. Organized- no. Even as I'm writing this I'm looking at my desk wondering how it got so cluttered. I thought I had sworn when I moved into my new apartment that it would stay clean and clutter-free forever. Oops. That is not to say that I don't know how to organize a bedroom closet. Or at least how to fake an organized bedroom closet. I just usually choose not to do so. Regardless, here are some tricks of the trade:

1. Only have shoes on the floor of your closet- This gives the base of your closet a nice uniform look and a nice clean line. If you have stuff other than shoes on the floor, simply take it and shove it under your bed. You'll get to that another day.

2. Organize your shoes in pairs- if you don't have the space to line them all up side by side then take one from the pair and stick it on top of the other. Don't organize them by style, color, or anything else like that. No one cares what you consider a dress shoe vs. what you consider a day shoe.

3. For the rest of your clothes, clump items following this simple pattern (from right to left): tank-tops/sleeveless shirts, short sleeved shirts, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, skirts, dresses, jackets. If you really want to get ambitious (go beyond faking organization to actually being organized) then color code within each category. I don't recommend this too highly because where do you stick the black and white striped shirt? With the blacks? With the whites? What about the brown, orange, and purple striped shirt? Actually, if you have a shirt like that, do yourself a favor and just throw it out.

4. Fold hoodies and stack them on the top shelf- anything on the top shelf that isn't clothes, also shove under the bed. Don't worry if you feel that you are simply moving the problem from one spot to another. 1. If it's under your bed, chances are neither you nor anyone else can see it. Thus, still giving the illusion that you are organized. 2. The stuff you are moving probably isn't all that important. If it was, it would have its own spot anyway.

And you're done! Follow steps 1-4 and your closet will be (fake) organized in no time!

Go Fight Win (and Fake)!

In case you hadn’t noticed, football season is upon us. For some, this is a wonderful, exciting, almost sacred time of year, for others, not so much. I happen to genuinely enjoy football. This could be because I have been going to football games for as long as I can remember. Seriously. I even had a little BYU cheerleader outfit that my parents dressed me in when I was baby. But I digress. However, I realize there are those of you who do not share in the football pandemonium. To you football resisters I encourage you to entertain the possibility that some day you may find yourself in a situation wherein feigning football interest is truly the path of most convenience. Perhaps you find yourself in such a situation presently. Maybe you want to impress a football enthusiast, maybe it’s easier to fake it than to explain that you just don’t enjoy watching guys knock each other to the ground with all possible physical force just to get the ball from one end of a field to the other, or maybe you’re hoping that a passion (or at least tolerance) for football will develop while you are faking it. Regardless of your exact reason, this post is for you.
How to fake enjoying a football game:
1. If everyone else is standing, stand too- I know three+ hours is a long time to stand, but nothing says “fish out of water” like a sitter in a sea of standers. Most fans stand because they have so much energy at the game. Furthermore, many hold the belief that they can transfer their energy to the team by standing, cheering loudly, and occasionally jumping. While this may not make sense, it is not polite to knock someone’s beliefs. Therefore, when at a game, stand.

2. Get an intense look on your face every fourth down- It really doesn’t matter whose fourth down it is. If your team is on offense, then this is their last chance to get a first down. If your team is on defense then this is their last chance to prevent a first down. Either way, it’s (in theory) a tense moment. If you need some help with the expression, try imagining that your professor is handing back a test that you’re confident you either aced or bombed. Freeze that facial expression for the duration of the play.

3. Tune in when there is a controversial call- you will know the call is controversial by one of two ways. Either the game will pause for an abnormally long length of time, or the fans around you will start booing. If you really want to get into it then when they show the replay, hold your hand, palm up, to the jumbotron like you’re presenting a piece of evidence before a jury. People will think that you clearly see what really happened. To go above and beyond, memorize the call. Then, when talking to the fanatics after the game, you can say, “So how about that (insert call description here).”

4. Memorize one major moment- if your team loses, then try and make the moment when someone made a major mistake. Listen for the words “fumble,” “interception,” or “turnover.” These moments won’t be too hard to catch because they’ll illicit a reaction from the fans. Then, when people are talking about the game later, you can say something like, “Well maybe if our team (or better yet, state the player’s number) would hold on to the ball/throw to our own team/ not say ‘here, you take it, we don’t really want it’ to the other team, we might have had a very different outcome.” If your team wins, then memorize one touch down. Then you can say something like, “That pass to (insert number of player that caught the ball here) was beautiful.” Side note: This whole memorizing a moment thing really works. One time I was talking to a guy and I said something like, “Well maybe if our center knew how to do his job.” His jaw dropped and he responded saying, “Wow, a girl who actually watches and understands football.” One memorized moment. That’s all it took, people.

Well, that’s it. Faking football doesn’t require that you understand the details of the game or even care at all! All you have to do is follow these four steps and I can almost guarantee you’ll look like you belong in that football stadium.

I'm Back

Summer happened. Life changed. Now I'm back. Did ya miss me?!